i am typing this with one hand; my other hand is covered in drool thanks to my teething 4 month old, Harry.

I am a new mom who wants to share her story on how she scrounges up enough money to be a stay at home mom. I am a typical mom. My husband doesn't make hundreds of thousands of dollars and my parents don't have a trust fund set up for me.  At this point, I have no idea what I am going to do.  I am scared, sad, anxious, excited and an all around mental train wreck.

I haven't quit my job, officially, but in my mind I am already a SAHM (stay at home mom), or should I say WAHM (work at home mom).  It is literally impossible for me to stop working all together.  You're probably thinking I am crazy, irresponsible, or selfish, but that's okay. You're not hurting my feelings. I know, deep down, I am doing what best for my family. 

When I found out I was pregnant I said, without a doubt, that I will be back to work 6 weeks after I have the baby. HA! After I had him I realized I wanted to take an additional 6. So that is what I did. I took 12 weeks off with my beautiful son and cherish every.single.second. that I was blessed with.  I have been back to work since March 19th (I will never forget that day). Today is April 26th and I know I can not do it any longer. 

My sister and mom have been watching my little man since I went back. I cried like a little baby when I left him the first day, but it got easier as the weeks went by. I realized that my sister can't watch him forever. My time with her was slipping away and it started to really get to me. So, I spoke with my husband. I guess I shouldn't say spoke because I cried, and whined. I am so against my baby boy going to daycare before he can talk. It scares the SHIT out of me. There! I said it. 

I have NOTHING against moms (or daycares in general) who can do it. Actually I kind of envy them because they are so strong.  I am week and I am fine with that. I know I have to pay the price for it.  Every day I have to wake up and think "what can I do today to make money". It's frightening, but to me, nothing is scarier than putting Harry in the care of strangers.